Smackdown

So, the WWE was in town this week. John Cena ate a ribeye at every business on Main Street, even the ones that don’t sell steak, and took selfies with thousands of screaming Jonesboro-, uh, Jonesboroites? Jonesboroians?

Anyway, the big news was Randy Orton’s “altercation” (he cussed a dude for taking his photo without permission) with a supposedly-beloved local businessman at the Trim Gym.

There was no shortage of drama on Facebook as the good citizens of Jonesboogie lined up behind Orton or the businessdude (and ex-cop) to do battle.

The Ortonistas claimed the Amazing Randy was pissed about consent, and they presented other selfies with a seemingly happy Orton as evidence. Local conservative news sources (redundant, that’s the only kind) seemed to be backing business-cop, and the whole thing has gone viral. I’ll let you Google it.

When the bombs drop, I hope Zuckerberg saves this in the Likesbunker so it wasn’t all for nothing.

I wasn’t there, but I’m sure the testosterone was pumping and the chests were thumping. We may never know who was actually at fault, but it made for a great bit of smallish-town entertainment.

The destruction of America and subsequently, the world, is still scheduled for this Friday.

Good night, and good luck.