Cold Open

INT. TRUMP’S OFFICE

TRUMP

Wow, I have no idea what I am doing. Helga, Helga get in here.

HELGA

Yes, Mr. Trump, I mean President, uh, President-Elect Trump.

TRUMP

Hey could you call someone to give me some tips? Yeah. I need some tips. Great tips. I am so out of my element here I need some tips and hints. I am just a useless guy.

HELGA

Oh well as luck would have it Mr., uh I mean Governor, um Vice President Elect Pence just walked in.

TRUMP

Oh great just great I love that guy, send him in I’m not sure how to do anything.

PENCE

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HGKKKK HGKKKKK FTHTHHHLBBB SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS KIK KIK KIK EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SNGT.

TRUMP

Thanks Mike, I mean, really, I am so out of my element. This is a big deal. Huge. Such a huge deal and I’m not really-

PENCE

FTTT! SSSSSSSSSSSNKGH. HSSSSSSNGL. FT. FT. KIK! PTHHHHH RGNNNGHHHH.

TRUMP

Well, I don’t know Mike, I mean Servator Xinth. You guys recruited me. I’m just a regular guy. I love taco bowls and my bed in Trump Tower. I’m not sure I can-

PENCE/XINTH

RINK! LZZZZZZNARG FFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. HKKKKK SNGT HRNGHK. HRNGKGH. FFFFFFFFFFFT FTT FTT KIK RHGNNNN.

TRUMP

I hear you, but maybe, maybe all that stuff we did with the country folks and the angry guys, we just cancel all that. What was Hillary going to do? Maybe we can ask her.

PENCE/XINTH

HRKKK! SNRGKK NIK FRTHGNNNHH SNT KIK FFFT FT FT KRGHGNNNN STNIK FTHRRRRRFFFF.

TRUMP

Well I can’t do that Mike, I want to make America great again not-

PENCE/XINTH

GHHFFT HGKCHKT!

TRUMP

That’s it, you scaly jerk! You’re fired! I’m going to do this my way. I know the art of the deal. I invented deals! I’m going to be the greatest President of all time, just the best guy.

The camera pulls back and Servator Xinth has a long tentacle protruding from its groin. The shot tracks left and follows it across the floor, into Donald Trump’s left pantsleg. There is no shoe or foot visible. The tentacle IS his leg.

PENCE/XINTH shakes TRUMP/PUPPET around on its tentacle and emits a gurgling chuckle as HELGA walks back in.

HELGA

Oh, practicing for the Inauguration, are we?

PENCE/XINTH undulates and begins to emit a frothy substance from TRUMP/PUPPET’s orifices.

HELGA

Servator Xinth, you cad! Not until we’ve united America with everyone’s best interests at heart!

PENCE/XINTH

HRGLHGLHLBFHH KHHH SHLNGHHH KIK FFT HRNNNGH!

HELGA

Oh, Servator!

EVERYONE

Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

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