Yesterday I announced that the Glorious People’s Revolution had it in the bag, baby. Full Communism has been realized in our time. There is no longer any reason for your chairman to remain here and witness this farce, this cruel pantomime of choice your puppet leaders have thrust upon you this day. Let the children collect their decals. We’re going to fucking space.
After repeated simulations on the demo version of Kerbal Space Program, intense study of The Right Stuff, Explorers, and Flight of the Navigator, and one more viewing of that Elon Musk Mars video, your chairman is certain we will achieve space superiority by 5:00 pm Central Standard Time.
In case there are witnesses here who were just released from incarceration or born yesterday, we will present once more the immortal words of Chairman Bob, The Eightfold Path to Full Communism:
November 8, 2016, will be forever remembered as the day Chairman Bob stepped onto his rocket and penetrated the cosmos, resetting all calendars at FC 1 and siring the Bobolonian Space Concordance.
With Tiny Leader as my copilot, we will command our legions from on high, our altitude only surpassed by our superiority, reflecting our might to all who gaze into the night sky.
You were promised more than this hellish life of wage slavery, debt, and futility. We didn’t land on Fraggle Rock. Fraggle Rock landed on us. Remember the wonder you once sought and dream again, for we will blaze into the heavens on metal steeds. We will drink hydrogen from the nebulae to fuel our boosters. We will drill through miles of ice and address sentient jellyfish with our universal greeting, “The Four Horsemen” by David Scott Mustaine and the alcoholic bards Metallica.
I will lead this charge, my children. Into the great unknown mystery, I go first, so that others may follow my example. Bob Talbot 20X6: FULL COMMUNISM, NOW AND FOREVER.
Look up, comrades. Look up. There’s fire in the sky.