More Yelling From the Bunker

For all my ridiculous yelling, I really don’t want some American Spring situation because it might not go the direction we want. However, I don’t have much faith in the disenfranchised, apathetic, almost nonexistent American Left to vote their way out of anything. The movers and the shakers right now are looking like the dudes Indiana Jones threw off of speeding trucks.

American Government has decided to shit itself and die. There is no positive result of you Rocking the Vote this time, campers. Both outcomes are nightmare scenarios for different reasons that have nothing to do with emails and everything to do with the Republican Party.

I’m disappointed in you, Democrats. You fucked yourselves by propping up a money hungry NeoLiberal backsliding warmonger and pitching that doo doo sandwich as delicatessen delight. I don’t blame all you frightened people for hand-wringingly fearposting 24/7 about the doom we face if we don’t insert some nation-building, meddling entrepreneur who takes tea with absolute monarchs and brutal dictators in the name of realpolitik, because the other solution is much more final.

I use allegory and analogies waaay too much for a guy who hates the inevitable quagmire of semantic nitpicking that follows. We shouldn’t have to come up with wacky ideas about candy or Smurfs or Lord of the Rings to say, “Look, you fuckwits. You have the distinct honor of voting for Madam Kissinger or Special Needs Mussolini,” and I’M STILL DOING IT. I CAN’T NOT DO IT.

But wait, there’s more!

Voter rolls are being purged all over these Great United States. The FBI is going fuckcrazy and immolating itself in protest of Hilldawg’s candidacy. While there are some minority groups protesting in the streets (and the rivers, and the fields), as always, there aren’t enough middle class white people involved to make it lucrative enough for the big bucks at Dollar Dollar Bill Y’all Cable News to cover it.

Oh, you can vote. You may vote with great speed and efficiency if you are white in a majority conservative community! I voted in under ten minutes. If you are in some gerrymandered poverty-stricken hellhole and you don’t get Really Fired Up about St. Patrick’s Day, you’re going to wait 12 hours, get ID’d, and potentially harassed and harangued until you get to the front and find out you’re magically, mysteriously, strangely and unfortunately unregistered to fucking do the one thing that has been drilled into you as your only option for real world change. Vote, just vote, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, eat, pray, love, lie very still and think of England and VOTE.

Your elected officials are planning to not only throw the brakes on government but tie you to the tracks like a mustachioed silent film rapist and detonate the bridge over the Eat Shit and Die (formerly Eastwood) Ravine. You won’t have any more cool social justice breadcrumbs thrown to satiate your incrementalist hunger when the Supreme Court & Shady Acres Rest Home dwindles and we’re not accepting any new residents.

The Internet isn’t the place to talk about this anymore. You motherfuckers need to get off your 14 hour shift of Ubering or making minimum wage lattes for day traders and wander into the last chapter of The Jungle. Merle and his buddies down at the chopper club are having their meetings under the German Cross and the Stars and Bars. It’s time for you to have some as well under the flag of BOB TALBOT 2016: FULL COMMUNISM, BABY.

Get out of my dreams, and into my car.

Whatever you do, do something that isn’t clicking share, or clicking at all, really, unless it’s a pen or the off button on a remote.

I leave you with this wisdom, contradictory, perhaps, but I chalk it up to the duality of man, Private Joker:

“I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” – Gandalf the Gray

“You can change the world with one of these.” – A late friend of mine, spoken while brandishing a box knife